Y R U Afraid?

Are you fearful as you approach big projects or major presentations, a dinner with company bigwigs, networking? A colleague the other day expressed surprise when I told him how fearful I used to be at leading groups because I am certainly confident NOW. I wasn't when I was in the same beginning place as he. Today I may be nervous or tensely focused; but generally not afraid.

My TV appearances as The Job Doctor, speaking and facilitating groups helped me learn the following about managing fear:

1. Know your material. To your bones. And have every word of the first two minutes down COLD. If you walk in with only HEAD knowing, with lack of solid rehearsal, without understanding exactly where everything is going, you will be fearful, scattered. If you know it in your gut, you can handle surprises that inevitably happen. With television, people roam the studio, crises crash around you, and you have to stay focused, smiling, PERFORMING. TV tip for learning those two minutes: Look at an unmoving object while you recite your first words. If your eyes stray, you're searching your brain for what to say. Recite it and stare till you don't need to look away.

2. Get as much "performing" experience as you can. Speeches, presentations, facilitations, teaching, leading meetings. All fear-producing experiences. The more you do, the less afraid you'll be. I was on television every week for 12 years. For the first five, I was so frightened when I sat on the news set I thought I'd have a heart attack. Then it went away. I used to throw up before I went on stage; after awhile, I didn't. But you have to step into fearful experiences again and again, whether it's making cold calls or conducting training or talking to your company president, to finally know you're competent - maybe an expert - at this.

3. Respect the extended learning process. You can't bring spring a day sooner. You can't evade this numbers game. The more you do it, the better you'll get. Do it a lot and the fear will fade.

4. Embrace the fear. You need its edge. Stage fright is a great performance booster. I'm worried when I DON'T have it. It's an energy your audience needs to see in you. It's your invitation to them to join you in an exciting, pumped place.

5. It's about you first, but it's really about them. If you are shivering-fearful, then you are totally self absorbed and you'd better get out of it. This is necessary YOU: Material. Beginning. Where we're going. Lookin' your best. Once you take care of that, then pay attention to what they're paying you for: the participants, the audience, the executives, the results.

This is your focus on THEM: How can I be of service? What's my job here? What are they here to achieve? How can I add value? What got my head out of my behind was The Tao of Leadership. Standing in fear before performing, I would open it to a random page, and this book of little wisdoms always made the perfect point to laser my attention on the other, not me. You need ego. You also must put it away. Both are required for doing this work.

6. Have something that anchors you. You can tell how afraid I am by how much jewelry I'm wearing. Pearls make me feel better. If you see bracelets, earrings, rings, a rope of 10 mm. oyster spit around my neck and a hot line to the Macy's pearls counter scribbled on my hand, you know I'm shakin' in my boots. In a difficult class I taught, I put a little toy bee on the podium, to remind me I had a B-HAG, a big, hairy goal with these students. Take with you something that makes you laugh or reminds you you're solid, prepared, eager to contribute.

7. This time tomorrow, it'll all be over. This mantra helps you realize the transience of even this challenging task. You may be fabulous. They may be fractious. You may take them to a higher plain. But it will be O-V-E-R. Comfort yourself with that final fear-busting thought.