Shaping Your Resilience

My doctoral dissertation examined the question: How do people come through trauma as resilient rather than destroyed? My findings may hold answers for you in this time of tumultuous, often brutal, change. The bottom line is: Embrace what this is and get moving. You'll be better for it.

The people I studied had experienced the Holocaust, disability, head trauma, violence, loss. They told me that what got them through was:

1. Supportive others. If your world is quaking, find people who understand; connection helps. If the trauma is business-related, start or join a mastermind group, get a coach, go to therapy, be with friends who care.

2. Taking care of the self. Realize that getting through this is up to you. Don't be a misguided martyr. Look out for your interests. Guard your physical and mental health.

3. Faith. They ALL said that reliance on God made their trauma more survivable. You may find your higher power in a church or a support group. Get someone stronger on your side.

4. Taking on challenges. They did what was difficult. It gave them a better sense of self to struggle than to be a pitiable victim.

5. Moving on with their lives. Their trauma did not define them. They didn't reside in trauma's cave nor sing its plaintive theme song. They used what it was to build better existences.

Your experiences now are changing you. You can choose despair, bitterness, giving up; or you can choose to cope well with courage and determination. If you do, here's the reward, if you're like my study subjects. You will:

1. Be more empathic. You have suffered. Your heart will reach out to struggling others.

2. Get better at coping, and appreciate your abilities when the next inevitable trauma occurs.

3. Develop new capabilities, such as patience, self-reliance, determination, persistence. You will realize this will pass.

4. Take better care of yourself. You will also reach other to help others.

5. Develop a more positive outlook. You will triumphantly know, "I can handle this. Did it already."

So, how will you get through the day? How DO you cope? Take a page from Twelve-Step Programs.

1. Focus on getting through today. You can't manage this Big Awful Thing. But "a day at a time" proves to be a useful long term strategy.

2. Ask your higher power to show you "the next right thing" to do. Out of confusion often comes a helpful suggestion.

You will not be the same after this. Trauma leaves a footprint on your soul. It can make you better, however, help you discover a stronger place in you. Resilience is the outcome of your determined, hope-focused coping.