Thursday, March 4, 2010

When Others Create Your Life

I was beginning to write a mystery called Murder in the Orphanage. The murder victim was to be the priest who ran it. I asked my brothers and sisters what they remembered about "Father Joe" during the years we spent in an orphanage. Turns out they didn't remember much, but they loved the project and it became the topic of enthusiastic conversation among us. Where would the murder weapon be hidden? Who would solve the mystery? How could people we knew be woven into it. They were INVOLVED and called regularly with fun new ideas.

The book may never get written, and here's why. I asked too soon for input. The process of beginning to write is tentative and lonely. I'm both timid and highly "influencible" before I get myself straight in my own mind. I'm as tender as a newly emerging butterfly, able to be trounced by enthusiasts before my meaning has hardened. I don't belong to a writers' group because THEIR thoughts begin to write MY piece. I don't show my stuff till a first draft is done because everyone's an editor. They would use MY writing as a dress form for what THEY would want to write. I've learned it's better to huddle in my writer's garret till I'm ready for the twin beams of comment and criticism to hit my creation.

You are like me as you decide to take steps toward a new you, whether it's a business or a job or an education. You probably talk about your idea before it's fully formed, and let family and friends pull it apart, leaving it a twisted little heap you quickly abandon. Everyone has a different opinion about what's best for you, and too often they're really giving YOU the advice they would give THEMSELVES if they were in your situation. It's not truly about you. Actually, we sometimes deliberately tell others too soon so they can talk us out of that scary thing.

Why would you hand your life to others to shape? You might think it helps you to get input from others, but it mostly confuses you because the counsel conflicts. Why not spend time with yourself instead? Find out what YOU want and why and how it would work. Go for a walk and talk to yourself. Write out what you're thinking of doing so you get to the core of your meaning. This is different than simply mulling over the idea when you go around in circles. Get INTO where you want to head. THEN invite others in.

You could also talk to someone like me, whose only agenda is to help you get what you want. I'm not your aunt or your father's secretary who just KNOWS what would be best for you. Even with me, you'd have to do difficult heart work to find that fire in your center of what you want to be next.

Don't be the twisted little heap lying next to the wreckage of my unwritten mystery. Scurry to your garret and begin to explore your heart's desire.

No comments: