Willingness and Boundaries

I had coffee yesterday with a client about her new career as an artist.  The content wasn’t particularly important; the points were.

“Look,” I told her, “even though you’re in the career of your dreams, there’s still about 30% of it that you won’t like doing.  Every job has that, whether it’s administrative or marketing or the work you don’t like, those production pieces you churn out for the money.  You have to decide what you’re willing to do.

“Then you also have to decide what boundaries you’ll put around your artistry.  How many hours do you want to work at it a day?  It’s the rare artist who’ll stay at the creative task for eight or twelve hours.  If it’s four to five hours a day, put a fence around that time and defend it from incursion by your other responsibilities and the 30% that’s necessary to do.”

Another story.

When I learned a friend was dying a couple of years ago, I called another friend, the soul of pragmatism.  “What shall I do?” I wailed, “I hate being around death, but I feel like I should do something.” “Decide what you’re willing to do and not do.  Visit the hospital, take food, drive her to treatments; and tell your friend these are the things you can do.”  Willingness and boundaries.

Whether you’re out of a job or working at changing careers, your daily life is full and has its frustrations.  You have to know how much you WILL do to move yourself forward, and what your boundaries are. . .what you WON’T do.  You need to sit yourself down and have a heart to heart with the person you see in the mirror:  “What am I willing to do and not do?”  “What feels like the right thing for me to do?” (always an unerring pointer to one’s correct behavior.)  The heart and mind and path ahead are always clearer after conversations like this.

Your family wants you to spend as much possible time on job hunting.  Your soul needs time for yourself, and the family needs time with you.  If you’re seeking your NEXT, you also have a day job, a family and a dream of your possibilities.  You have to be deliberate about how you allocate your time:  your future, your family, you.  If you get real obsessive in one area or the other, bitterness often follows and it’s often because you’ve left yourself out of the equation.

Ask yourself willingness and boundary questions so you can feel at peace with your work and job seeking activities, to keep your hectic life in balance.  

The Devil You Know

What’s keeping you from pursuing your NEXT?  You’re miserable where you are.  Why do you sit in a lump of inaction?  I define “inaction” rather broadly.  It includes: reading books about career change or about getting-what-you-want-by-simply-thinking-about-it; looking on the internet for jobs, talking to your spouse or friends about how miserable you are, brooding in the basement.  I’m not even talking about TV and video games!  This is gold-clad inaction. 

“Action” would look like this:  Reading the book, but doing the exercises and reflecting on what that means for you and your NEXT; using the internet to research fields you might be interested in and finding people who might be willing to talk to you about that and making the call; telling an accountability buddy your progress and your goals.  In other words, taking actions that move you forward an inch or a mile into this unknown.

Reading this, why, oh leader of the charging pack at work, aren’t you getting your butt in gear?  It is important to recognize that where you sit every day from dawn till dusk constitutes the devil you know.  You understand it here; you get few surprises, you’re accustomed to the misery, your body likes its routine, your family likes the money you bring in.  And maybe, as the ghost of Puritan forebears whisper in your ear, you’re not supposed to be happy anyway.

As much as you’d like to feel charged up about your NEXT, in the beginning change equals risk, danger, loss, the unknown.  Making change requires greater energy than the progress you initially see.  You may show a bravado face to the world, but almost everything in you resists taking action.

What to do about it? 

1.  Shake hands with your imperfect ole self and recognize the landscape; you’ve been here before any time you’ve contemplated change, and it sucks.  You and your sterling rationalizations are quite happy here, thanks; never mind that your soul is screaming for change.

2.  Commit to doing just one thing a day on behalf of yourself and your growth.  It doesn’t have to be huge.  Read a chapter (and DO the exercise).  Make one call.  Research other jobs 15 minutes a day.  I have an author friend who’s written nearly a dozen books.  She hates to write, but she makes herself write 15 minutes a day.  She finishes a book in a year (okay, so it’s large print); but she gets the job done. So can you.

3.  Content yourself with seeing little progress at first.  It’s a matter of accumulating mass.  If you’re saving money for a vacation, $50 doesn’t seem like much.  If you started on this goal a year ago, you now have $600, and that's something.  One pound of weight loss is nothing; ten pounds is a dress size.  Don't expect huge attaboys from yourself when you’re muddling around the staring block; just keep going and you’ll be proud as you complete that first mile.

4.  Really look at this “devil you know.”  What’s here?  What do you hate about it?  Why does it no longer suit you?  Bring these thoughts into the fresh air of change and make them visible.  Write them.  Look at them from time to time so you don’t stay sunk in your stinky reality. 

5.  In your early days of creating change, make yourself accountable to someone, coach or friend, for reporting your progress and crafting new goals.  There’s magic in this.

You and your comfort with the devil you know are the most important block to your NEXT.  Kick that devil aside and you’re on your way.

I Want the White Coat

The point:  You have to embrace it all.

A member of my family had a brain aneurysm the other day.  As we trek daily to the ICU waiting room we see a lot of docs, superior in their physician armor, crisp in their white coats.  While I wait to see whether the ICU nurse will buzz me in, their card-swipe causes doors to swing wide for them.

While The Client Chair has held MDs who assure me their careers are different from this medical film clip, at this moment as a peasant visitor, I want the white coat.  In my career movie, I want to stride into the room, be seen as vital, in charge; to be made way for, deferred to.  In the next moment, I acknowledge that I don’t want blood on me EVER, to take organic chemistry, to have someone second-guess my diagnosis because they got their medical degree at Google University; or to be yelled at because a loved one died, to be on my feet for 14 hours in surgery, to deny care because the hospital that owns me dictates it.  In short, I want the glamor of the job, not the drudge of its reality.

When you’re thinking of your next career, what you most often see is the white coat, not that reality.  Examples:  College forensics classes are bulging because TV CSI stars work amid multi-hued bottles in muted-toned labs, and investigators work trash dump crime scenes in spike heels.  In real police life their status and environment are quite different.  Similarly, with TV news anchors.  You don’t see the 2:00 AM reporting for work, the no social life, the emotional toll of reporting ongoing horrific stories like 9/11 or community flooding or child murders.  You have no idea of the discipline and fortitude this takes, or how dreadful this industry can be.

If you can picture people you know who are successful and happy in any of these professions, it’s because they bought the whole package.  They looked at all of it, good and bad, and said, “This is what I want.”  If they’re unhappy in those jobs, it’s possible they saw only the white coat and thought, “Cool.”  That crisp white coat might have become a straitjacket, and they may now be sitting in The Client Chair saying to me, “Now what?”

If you want to change careers, especially if you’re not sure of your direction, make it a point to have serious conversations with people already in the job.  Ask them to tell you what’s great about it, what’s not, the challenges and sacrifices.  The road of change is generally not easy.  You have to know you want all of this NEXT.

Move!

One of the most impatiently self-confident consultants you’ll ever meet is Alan Weiss.  He’s famous for barking at his mentee clients, “Eighty percent and go!”  In other words, don’t dink around till you have perfection, which conveniently continues to elude you and lets you wallow in inaction.  Get most of the prep work done and launch, is Alan's message.

(As an aside, he’s incorrect if you try to apply this to a project you’re doing for a demanding client, or if you work for a perfectionist, or if the tolerance for error is zilch.  Then you have to put in the time and sweat to get it absolutely right.  You won’t be forgiven for less.  Otherwise, Alan is absolutely right.)

Move! is particularly true regarding your NEXT.  You can develop an Ideas list in about a minute:  Call this person.  Research an accounting degree.  Ask the pastor about volunteering.  Sign up for a workshop.  Talk to your wife about starting a business. 

It can take forever to get you off your duff and into action, however.  Whatever is the locus of your current unhappiness, non-Move! is at least the devil you know.  Move! is the devil you don’t and the risk you fear.  Ideas are the scary beginning for  you; they can be dead-ends.  Begin anyway.

The point of Move! is to JUST GET YOU MOVING, which has a magic of its own and often sparks other ideas and movement.  Move! also lets you:

* cross things off your list. 

* test your hypotheses about what you want. 

* get you to another contact, another idea. 

* help you know you’re truly serious about finding whatever's NEXT for you. 

You can learn some disappointing things.  The online college brochure makes you tired; you don’t want another degree.  You talk to your wife and she apparently married you for better or worse but not lunch-and-then-some!  She likes you out of the house.  These outcomes are simply data that tell you:

* I didn’t want that. 

* I’m not interested in starting over.

* This might be a fun hobby, but not a career.

* I made a new friend!

* Wow, that gives me a great idea.

* Back to the drawing board

* Hmm, this might be worth pursuing.  Who can I call to learn more?

That’s what you’re really looking for, the path to forward movement in this quest.  What new ideas did you get?  What helpful contact have you unearthed?  What might be an even more interesting combination of all your wants?  This is a winnowing, narrowing, learning process.  One client told me he didn’t know how to think outside the box.  What he didn’t recognize, in the impressive work he was doing, was that he had LEAPT out of it!  You, like he, will be exploring new territory.

Move! is a testament to your determination.  To paraphrase a saying about selling:  Nothin’ happens till somebody Moves!  Git.

Willing to Work for Less

An email exchange with the question of how to say:  I don't have huge salary requirements!


Dear Job Doctor,
I’m looking for a job.  I have benefits from my late husband, which means I have to make less than $20,000 a year or lose them.  I want to work for a company that’s advertising for someone with two years of experience (I have 25+ years in the business).  I have no idea how many people have applied, but I really want the job.  How much do I reveal about my willingness to work for so little money?  I would hate for anyone to look at my experience and rule me out.


Dear Salary-Bargain,
There are a ton of professionals in your field who are in the job market right now, so the resume cubbie could be stuffed at the hiring company.

You’ve already held the top position in that organization.  What would have worked with you, relative to a would-be employee?  My best advice:  Do that. 

In a "normal" situation, salary is discussed at the end of the interview.  Your low salary requirement makes it a key selling point of you, an experienced professional.  In your field, you’re accustomed to bold asking.  You probably know the current head and because of your reputation and relationship can get a meeting.  Don't waste time with lesser lights.  You don't have much to lose by a direct approach to him/her.  If that fails, call for an appointment and in it assert:  I'm experienced; I'm current with the field and technology; I'm a proven entity; I know how to get IN; I know the players; I get the job done; AND I'm a bargain, at least for four years (in truth, most people will have changed jobs by then; but the head would tell you they'd revisit that THEN).  But there's no reason for you to remain patient resume fodder.  There's little risk to the organization by taking you on.

It may be possible you know people whose favor the company wants; have them put in a good word for you.  Others in the biz might recommend you; use their names.  You might even have testimonial letters.  Take 'em. 

The final point is one that wannabe employees just have to face, no matter where they want to work:  How will you add value to the organization?  Your profession is struggling, as you know.  The low salary is a strong argument, but how does your presence there potentially bring more revenue to the organization?  How can you help improve the bottom line?  More money in counts for more than less money out.

Unless the current topper is very young and wanting a young staff that's less scary to manage than an experienced pro (I know you've never heard of that happening!), you're likely to get a favorable hearing.  Go with the confidence that you have little to lose and much to gain.  If the strategy doesn't work, then you might take it to other similar organizations in the area, if that interests you.

One final note about employees being willing to work for less.  Employers never believe it.  They correctly assume that the second you can get something better, you'll take it; which makes you a high risk hire.  In your situation, however, you can't take the risk of a higher paying job for four years, which makes you an interesting applicant.

Good luck.  Let me know what happens.

Rose

Myth of Knowing What You Want to Be

My client is angry.  "I DID all those exercises you gave me, and I STILL don't know what I want!"  She's a brilliant analyst, able to synthesize complex data and create impressive solutions. . .except when it came to her own career.  One reason was she had neglected to spread out those pages and see what conclusions she would draw from her own information.  There were two larger possibilities, however:  fear of deciding about herself and the possibility there might not be some one grand career for her.

Fear of Deciding

When we begin our work life, we seldom know what we want to be when we grow up.  We don't know our strengths, weaknesses, ambitions and capabilities because we haven't been in the work world to know.  And we certainly don't want to close off any options.  As we learn about ourselves we begin to understand what works for us and what doesn't; what we're willing to do and go for; what our "No's" are.  We also admit - with great reluctance - we may not be as ambitious as we thought we were. . .not that we'll reveal it in a performance evaluation!  The self-knowledge process can be delayed or stymied because we're afraid to admit who we are.  "I'm never going to be good at:  managing up, playing politics, filing, details, technology."  When you declare what you're good at, you can go for what will give you that and avoid situations that require doing what you're NOT good at.  We are fearful because we don't want to lose any opportunity.  Maturity is acknowledging:  "Here's who I am, strengths and weaknesses, dreams and limitations; and I'm going to live who I am."

Myth of the Grand Career

About three-fourths of new clients will tell me they want "to know what I want to be when I grow up," and as I've watched how few of them are willing to go through the self-analysis process or to go for what they want because of obligations or obstacles, I wonder if it isn't really a myth that there's ONE BIG THING we should be.  Some find a word for what they want:  doctor, lawyer, missionary.  So many of the rest of us live in less defined worlds of manager, sales rep, contract administrator.  It's not what we aspired to; it's what we became as we were waiting for the dream to show up.  What I know about doctors is they get MBAs so they can get out of restrictive medical environments.  Lawyers want the heck out of a punishing, boring field.  Missionaries want to be professional speakers.  In other words, few of us remotely know what we want to be when we grow up; and we live vaguely frustrated lives believing we should know, feeling we're not quite living up to our possibilities.

The Solution

What if we took a different look at our career?  Look at your life as lived thus far.  Did you have a clue ten years ago that you'd be doing THIS today?  Twenty years ago?  No way.  Some people are living what they want; I promise you, they're rare.  Maybe we should take a shorter view than the Career Grand Slam.

It's important to do that self-assessment, to know yourself, warts and all; to know what would make you happy.  Why don't you get as much of that into the job you have now?  Why don't you insist on it in career discussions with your manager?  "I'm happiest when I can be a subject matter expert working with higher levels in the company."  It gives management something to chew on rather than slot you anywhere as they've done to date.  Your indecision has been their convenience.  Change that dynamic.

Rather than staying frustratedly unaware of the Big Career Goal, what if you just decide and go for what's your right "Next."  For example, you love horses to your toes.  What if you move to Kentucky and get as close as you can, with your existing background and experience, to those stables and velvet muzzles?  A "Next" like this could be way more interesting than the program for the elderly that has you languishing.  I believe that if you keep living  toward your interesting "Next," you can eventually find yourself living in your Career Dream. 

The Conclusion

Know yourself, commit to giving yourself what makes you happy right where you are now, focus on your right "Next" and keep your antennae up so you'll recognize The Dream when it sneaks up on you.

References

You may be asking someone to write a reference for you; someone may be asking you to write a reference for them.  How is it done?  These are the steps:

1.  The letter should state:

            Who the reference is for - you.

            In what capacity they know you.

            How long?

2.  What did they observe about your strengths (have reference-writers focus on your behaviors)?  This covers things like drive, determination, reliability, intelligence, problem-solving abilities.  Can they give specific examples?

3.  What areas of improvement?  This one is a toss-up.  Some organizations ASK you to speak to this.  If not, let it be so the reference is all positive.

4.  Why you would be a good employee, student at their school, receiver of award, etc.

5.  Say they wholeheartedly recommend you.

6.  Send the reference to YOU unless you were asked to have it sent to the organization (give the reference-writer that information).

A few notes about the above:

1.  If the organization gives a specific format, have your references follow that.

2.  If this is a general reference - for employment, for example - have the letter-writers give you several copies on letterhead.  These are typically addressed:  To Whom It May Concern.

3.  Don't ask anyone whose letter won't be gung-ho.  The boss that fired you (a) may not be able to write a letter because company policies forbid it, but (b) who wants a letter from the guy who kicked you out the door?  Find someone else in the company.

4.  If you were fired but the company agreed to write a reference letter, birddog those drafts till you're happy with the content.  You don't want to be damned with faint praise.

5.  You can scan and email a reference, but snail mail is still a better idea.

Who do you ask for references?  Bosses (or clients) are best; former bosses if the current one drop-kicked you; co-workers; community leaders if they're known and know you well.  Students often use professors and the clergy; I was always less impressed by these than the fast food line cook you sweated next to while getting your degree.  The rule of thumb:  People who know well how you work and who are well known. . .an unbeatable combination.

What if one of your references asks YOU to write the reference letter?

The first time this happened to me, I was stunned.  Is that kosher?  I wrote the draft and have done it on numerous occasions, realizing that I was asking busy people to spend considerable time on what was more important to me than to them, a task they don't feel comfortable doing.  I would write the draft, send it to the reference, who always added to it (I don't toot my horn enough), finalized and sent it to me.  You may have have a sterner ethic about this - and some reference-seekers have declined to write their draft - but I believe in getting the job done, AND quality control.  You don't want to live with an ineptly crafted reference.