Are There Any Advantages to Studying Abroad?

(From the forthcoming book, Starting Over, by Rose Jonas and David Finkelstein)

Anyone looking at the American economy is asking when the recovery will happen.  Some projections say not till 2018, despite peppier news releases saying it's over now. Anyone believing the U.S. will have the same lofty perch on the world market swing is delusional.  Whether the recession ends sooner and the economy roars back to its old heady self, outside your front door is a world marketplace.  If you have any ambition, but can't bear to leave Paducah, you are living in yesterday.  Does my bias show about the benefits of international studies?  Good!

It makes complete sense to study abroad.  You will give yourself a broader world view.  You will see better how the world comes together.  You can make decisions for yourself, outside the whacked American media, about the state of the world. 

You will think of yourself as being more cosmopolitan, and understand you're part of a planet, not just a county.  You will make friends in other cultures who may help you one day.  You will feel proud about the challenge you mastered of living in strange-to-you places.  You will have an appreciation for all you have, and an altered view of what life means.

How to study abroad?  The easiest way is through your school.  They ALL have summer or semester programs.  In them, you typically live on some city university's campus with other Americans.  You often have chances to tour this country or travel to others.  Do it! This is the most expensive way.  You pay your regular tuition, PLUS travel and accommodation and other fees in the country.  It also offers you the least chance to BE in that culture; the faces you study with all look like yours.  Find ways (safely, of course) to be out of that environment.  I asked a woman just returned from a trip to Eastern Europe if this had been a cruise.  "No," she said.  "I don't like them.  You only eat with Americans."  Well said.

You can also get your degree at Oxford, the Sorbonne or the University of Dubai.  That's a more complex decision/enrollment/acceptance possibility.

A cheaper, more exotic, possibly scarier way is to find the university and classes in the foreign city you want, find out if your school accepts those credits, apply, go there, find a place to stay, and immerse yourself in your environment.  Do this if you're an adventurer and know the language of the country-to-be.  (A repetitive but informative book on this method of study abroad is The New Global Student by Maya Frost.  Her website is: http://www.mayafrost.com/new-global-student-book.htm

Americans often choose England, Australia, Canada because of the language ease.  These are still quite different cultures.  Even if you choose the easy way, get out in the culture as much as you can.

You will have a blast.  You'll never forget it.  You'll use the experience in ways you can't even imagine now, and you'll be more attractive in the job marketplace.

Starting Over

So many people in this job market have come to career crossroads. Is your job gone forever? Do you grit your teeth when you walk into the office each morning; you just can't take it? Do you now believe that education holds the key to your advancement? You have to start over.

I'll have more to say about deciding what you want to do, about the education or training or internships or volunteer work that land you the new job; but this is about getting that first new job; about starting over in the new career, when you bring all your knowledge and skills to a place that dismisses you as "the new guy."

The worst part about starting over is starting over. You are at the beginning in terms of experience HERE, but you're not necessarily young. People don't treat you with the respect you deserve. Your ideas don't get heard. You went through all that hassle for THIS? If you've had internships or done part-time work in the field while you were being trained, this "apprentice" time can be shortened.

The best suggestion: Get over it and get going. There's nothing to be done except get through it. Put your ego aside and look around. This new-guy treatment of you isn't mean-spirited. You simply have no credibility here. You may have had decades in science or theatre or financial advising, but that's not what we do here, honey. These folks have no reference point for your previous expertise and they don't value it. There are two good lessons here: (1) You will go through this anytime you change a job. You will always have to figure out a way to become a member of the new pack. The group always muscles you around before saying "C'mon in!" (2) The only thing that matters to an organization is that you provide value to the people, the task, the goals. What you are, intrinsically, is of little interest to the organization. Its essential question is: "What can YOU do for ME?"

Be patient and cheerful. Give the organization what it values.

I'm Ba-a-ack!

Took the summer off to work on the next book and travel.

I'm back!

What if your job IS your passion?

You would want that, wouldn't you, especially since surveys consistently show that 70% of us are dissatisfied with our work? But does your job hold the "passion" promise for us. . . or our life outside of it? It's more complicated than you might think.

A very unhappy client was a graduate student in music. Music was all he'd ever wanted to do, and he was educating himself accordingly. Why was he so miserable, since he was living his dream? What we discovered, in teasing apart his unhappiness, was that music-as-job was drudgery for him. He hated the hours of boring scholastic accountability, preferring to fly where his soul might take him. THAT was his passion, the soul aspect of music. He changed majors so music could stay pure and lovely to him. A business degree would help him get a job to sustain that flight.

A man in construction was bored and wanted a new career, something he could be passionate about. What we learned in working together was that he didn't have a passion around careers, period. Work was a means to an end for him. He was reasonably happy with his pay, job requirements, working conditions and seasonality. What he LIVED for was his life outside of work - caving - and his job made that financially possible. He stayed in construction and followed his passion on weekends and in winter jaunts to Central America. He became a world-class caver.

A third example. Television is a brutal industry and not pretty seen up close. A friend is an executive producer at a network station. For decades she's lost weekends and sleep because of floods, church murders and political conventions. She rises to the late-night phone call like a dalmation to the fire house alarm. While a dedicated mom, TV is all she's wanted to do.

Can you see the difference? The musician found his passion in spontaneous riffs, the caver in bat-inhabited holes; their jobs facilitated their passion. Who knows what heights (or depths) they can reach, entering their joy in this way? The producer's passion for TV was in her bones. She tolerates any challenge or missed party because her work IS her passion.

The notion of passion is a complex one. Do you have passion around your career, or does it lie with raising a family, participating in your church or community, being an amateur athlete, playing in a garage band, or writing a history of your people's struggles? You can hope for passion around career AND the rest of your life, but you may be okay with a different model of how your passion gets nourished. You may have the will to pursue your heart's desire no matter the cost; you might have to delay it because other things come first for right now. The only right answer lives within you.

Here's the point: (1) Be as honest as the musician and the caver about where your passion lies for you. (2) Be diligent in discovering your passion, which is listening carefully to your heart's song, a task that gets easier with practice. (3) Be realistic about what you pursue NOW. If the drive within consumes you and you have no barriers and possess the resources, GO. If you're like most of us who discover the passion at mid-career, there will be trade-offs and baby steps to reach the dream. You might have to go for something else today. (4) Nourish the dream, whether or not you can pursue it now. Life gives you more than one chance at this. I promise.

Resilience, Part II

Winter is turning to spring. In the Midwest, we have early warming trends which lure us all outside to fling the winter from our bones. The first brave flowers peak from the leaves we left over our gardens.

Then winter returns, blustery, gray, same-old winter. We stand at our kitchen windows and worry about our tulips, daffodils and Siberian iris. How can they survive? Will we have no crocus or grape hyacinth this year?

Then the spring that had so briefly flirted with us bounces back to town--to stay this time--and the garden becomes a riot of happy color. The question is (and it is asked more easily of flowers than people), how much did the late-winter blast have to do with their current blooming? Are they hardier, as people say trauma made them stronger? If true, should we have a more positive attitude toward vicissitude?

We often say traumatic life is a reason to expect less of people (which is terrible thing to do, I believe). We should, instead, continue to have high expectations, given that they have come through and know they can. A better view of trauma might be--if not necessarily an opportunity to be welcomed--a jumping-off place from which to launch a better life; possible because worse has already happened.

The challenges you face today can be creating a better YOU. Choose challenge. Take action.

Shaping Your Resilience

My doctoral dissertation examined the question: How do people come through trauma as resilient rather than destroyed? My findings may hold answers for you in this time of tumultuous, often brutal, change. The bottom line is: Embrace what this is and get moving. You'll be better for it.

The people I studied had experienced the Holocaust, disability, head trauma, violence, loss. They told me that what got them through was:

1. Supportive others. If your world is quaking, find people who understand; connection helps. If the trauma is business-related, start or join a mastermind group, get a coach, go to therapy, be with friends who care.

2. Taking care of the self. Realize that getting through this is up to you. Don't be a misguided martyr. Look out for your interests. Guard your physical and mental health.

3. Faith. They ALL said that reliance on God made their trauma more survivable. You may find your higher power in a church or a support group. Get someone stronger on your side.

4. Taking on challenges. They did what was difficult. It gave them a better sense of self to struggle than to be a pitiable victim.

5. Moving on with their lives. Their trauma did not define them. They didn't reside in trauma's cave nor sing its plaintive theme song. They used what it was to build better existences.

Your experiences now are changing you. You can choose despair, bitterness, giving up; or you can choose to cope well with courage and determination. If you do, here's the reward, if you're like my study subjects. You will:

1. Be more empathic. You have suffered. Your heart will reach out to struggling others.

2. Get better at coping, and appreciate your abilities when the next inevitable trauma occurs.

3. Develop new capabilities, such as patience, self-reliance, determination, persistence. You will realize this will pass.

4. Take better care of yourself. You will also reach other to help others.

5. Develop a more positive outlook. You will triumphantly know, "I can handle this. Did it already."

So, how will you get through the day? How DO you cope? Take a page from Twelve-Step Programs.

1. Focus on getting through today. You can't manage this Big Awful Thing. But "a day at a time" proves to be a useful long term strategy.

2. Ask your higher power to show you "the next right thing" to do. Out of confusion often comes a helpful suggestion.

You will not be the same after this. Trauma leaves a footprint on your soul. It can make you better, however, help you discover a stronger place in you. Resilience is the outcome of your determined, hope-focused coping.

Stick a Fork in Me. . .

. . .I'm done. An exhausted hostess can say this at the end of a huge dinner party; or an actor at the end of a multi-city tour. The company dishes are put away; we've cashed the last road check. This is now a PAST experience.

It's far more complex to know whether we're done with a job or career. Are we going through a patch of bad days or creepy supervision or funky balance sheets that halt advancement? Do our down feelings merely reflect our circumstance, or do they point to a deeper DONE meaning for us? Do I weather this? Do I go?

Here are a few signs you may be ready to go:

1. You've moved out. Figuratively, that is. Your body is at work, but your spirit is not; and your behaviors show it. You don't have lunch with your colleagues. You spend too much time in the bathroom or on the phone or the Internet. You don't go out for drinks with work friends anymore, or you show up at holiday parties for the barest minute. In other words, you're physically removing yourself from the social aspects of this place. Big sign that you're done.

2. You've quit. Another biggie. You're practically R.I.P. (retired in place). Your performance has slipped. You do your job, but you're phoning it in; you barely make your goals. You volunteer for nothing. You're mute at meetings. You watch the clock. (Retireee wannabes count the days till they're OUTTA HERE!) Be mindful. Bosses look sharply these days for performance slippage.

Notice this is about your heart and mind. Both are gone. If you see this in yourself, get moving on something else. But change like this is scary, irrespective of the economy's health. Our non-fulfilling job is the devil we know. Who knows, at our age. . .? Nobody's hiring new college grads. I have a family. It's easier to stay.

How to test whether you're ready to go:

1. Tell somebody. Your coach, spouse, friend (not your boss!) How was it to put it out there? Did you pull back into NOT CHANGING or did NEXT appeal to you? Tell some more bodies. See how your thinking changes as you talk about leaving.

2. Reach for NEXT. William Bridges writes about how to manage change, and how we cling to the familiar, even when change is thrust upon us. We have to let go of where we are and what we've been and reach for NEXT, to choose something new. We hate this place of transition. We're uncertain, afraid, and NEXT isn't obvious to us. Just choose something that seems possible for you.

3. Do one thing. Get a college catalog. Review your resume. Make a list of "Musts" and "Wants" for your next iteration. Go see a career coach. Your action will do more to rocket you into NEXT than extended rumination.

At any point, you can leap back into what you already have. You're not ready. It's too dangerous. This will take time. Just be sure to re-choose your NOW. Be in it. Embrace it. Do it like you mean it. If you don't, you'll continue to slip away - heart and mind - and someone may notice and help you go.

Recommended reading: Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, William Bridges